Never Really Counted Days
by wintaer
Summary: Matsumoto's birthday brings back bittersweet memories. GinRan. One-shot. Contains spoilers for those who haven't read/watched to the end of the SS arc


_**Disclaimer:** Bleach isn't mine, I just play with the people in it._

Never Really Counted Days

Hitsugaya Toshirou was frowning at his paperwork, and though paperwork did often elicit such a reaction from most people, the cause of the 10th division captain's creased brows and downturned mouth was not the pieces of paper in front of him, but rather one Matsumoto Rangiku. The usually carefree, lazy, avoid-paperwork-like-it-was-the-plague, cheerful fukutaichou was currently sitting at her desk, diligently filling out the forms that she usually tried to hide under the sofa and pretend didn't exist. More perplexingly, not only was she actually doing paperwork, but her stack of completed paperwork was actually _higher_ than his, an unprecedented event.

He had tried to keep quiet, he really did. After all, he was always hounding her to get some paperwork done, and the amount she had finished today was amazing, but he couldn't help but wonder if anything was wrong with his fukutaichou for her to be acting so out of the ordinary. If his asking resulted in no more paperwork-doing Matsumoto, then so be it. At least he wouldn't have to deal with this unsettling sense of other-worldly-ness.

"Er… Matsumoto?"

"Yes taichou?" The light blue eyes didn't even look away from the piece of paper she was busy scribbling on.

"Why are you here?"

This time the eyes did look up at him in wide-eyed innocence. "Oh taichou, isn't that a silly question? I'm working!"

Something in Hitsugaya's temple twitched. "I can see _that_! It's just… _why_ are you working?"

"Because I'm the fukutaichou!" Matsumoto tilted her head as she studied her captain. "Are you feeling alright taichou? You're asking a lot of silly questions today…"

"Matsumoto…!" The warning growl could be heard in his voice, but she just let out a quiet giggle and looked back down at her work.

The sound of rustling paper filled the room for the next couple of moments, then she heard her captain's sharp intake of breath. Looking up curiously, she met the startled green eyes staring at her.

"It's your birthday today…"

Matsumoto tensed up imperceptibly as she nodded slightly to acknowledge what he said, then quickly lowered her head so that her strawberry blonde hair fell in a curtain around her face.

"Then why--"

"Well, I thought taichou would have been mad if I had skipped today just because it was my birthday, but since you don't seem to be, I'm going to go now." Matsumoto hurriedly stood up and rushed around her desk towards the door. "Bye taichou!"

Hitsugaya blinked at the closing door, wondering just what was wrong with his fukutaichou today, but decided that she would tell him if she felt he should know.

Safely out from under her captain's scrutinizing gaze, Matsumoto let out a sigh. She should have known doing paperwork would have aroused his curiosity, but she couldn't think of any other way to occupy her time and thoughts. She couldn't let herself be idle, definitely not today of all days. If she did nothing, all those memories would come rushing back, along with the unwanted emotions and pain.

And so she shunpoed off to clean her room, which then led to her cleaning the kitchen and checking the pantry to make sure that there was enough food to last her awhile. Then, she cleaned out her closet, organized _all_ her clothes, did the laundry, took out the trash, organized her makeup, read all the magazines that she was behind on (which truthfully wasn't much), polished Haineko, all the while purposely avoiding the sake and forgoing her usual afternoon naps.

Now it was evening and Matsumoto was running out of things to do. She couldn't go back to the office and do paperwork, because chances were that her captain was still in there and she really didn't want to deal with anymore questions today. Questions meant thinking about the thing that had been hanging over her head like a depressing storm cloud all day, and if Matsumoto was anything, she definitely wasn't depressed.

"Rangiku-san!" Peering out of her window, Matsumoto saw Shuuhei, Renji, Izuru, Ikkaku, and Yumichika all waving sake bottles at her, "Happy Birthday! Come out so we can celebrate!"

She cringed inwardly. Today really was not a day suited for sake and company, but she couldn't just turn them away, they'd wonder what was wrong with her and start asking questions like her captain.

"Perhaps I can drink enough sake to pass out and not have to think about it. And who knows, those boys are always good for a laugh. Maybe they'll be able to distract me…" Matsumoto mumbled to herself as she stood up with a sigh and walked outside, pasting a smile on her face.

Several hours (and who knew how many bottles of sake) later, Matsumoto sighed as she stumbled off the rooftop of snoring guys and headed back to her room. She should have known that trying to get blissfully drunk with these people was not possible, only captain Shunsui could out drink her, and he couldn't make it today. Now, she was by herself after having consumed a _large_ quantity of alcohol, something that never failed to make her serious and introspective, the very moods she had been desperately trying to avoid.

Memories that she had been suppressing all day rushed up at her, forcing her to live through them again, reopening barely closed wounds.

"_Hey, when's your birthday Rangiku?"_

"_I don't know, I never really counted days until I met you…"_

_A stunned silence._

"…_Then the day you met me is your birthday."_

_Surprised blue eyes looked up to meet his._

"_How about that, Rangiku?"_

Matsumoto gripped her strawberry blonde hair in two tight fists.

Damn him… Damn him, damn him, DAMN HIM!

Tears pricked at her behind her tightly closed eyes, begging to be let out as she fought to forget those memories, fought to forget exactly who had given her a birth date. She frantically fought to forget exactly who she had met on this day so many years ago, but the memories while so faded in time, were oh so sharp in their importance.

"_Eat up."_

_A piece of dried persimmon was waved in front of her face._

"_If you can collapse due to hunger, you must have spiritual power."_

"_You… too..?" Her voice was faint from hunger._

"_Yup. Me too." He grinned at her, "Ichimaru Gin, nice to meet you."_

"…_Gin. That's a weird name."_

He had saved her when she had been slowly dying of hunger, had been her only friend in the early days of Rukongai loneliness. He had watched out for her when she couldn't protect herself, and slowly, ever so slowly she had admitted to herself that she had fallen in love with this constantly smiling, yet so solitary boy.

The feelings hadn't changed with the passing of time, and as they grew up together, she had fallen more in love with him, even as he became more mysterious and secretive. And while others couldn't see past or understand his constantly present grinning mask, she could occasionally glimpse flashes of human emotion across his face.

But then he left. No, he didn't just leave, he became a traitor to Soul Society. He had betrayed his comrades, betrayed his friends, betrayed _her. _She was left behind to pick up the pieces of her shattered life. To pick up the pieces and try to put them back together, despite the gaping hole the he had once filled.

Matsumoto let out the first tears that she had shed over him, the first tears that had fallen since his departure in that glaring yellow light. She cried over the lost friendship, the lost years, the lost love. She cried over the betrayal of the man who had been her friend ever since childhood, the man who had helped shape her world, the man who she had loved with all her heart, the man who she had thought loved her in return. Curled up into a ball on her bed, Matsumoto cried herself to sleep.

And because she was asleep, she missed the soft swish of the curtains as they parted to let someone in. Missed the soft muted steps of someone approaching slowly and carefully. She didn't hear the muffled sound of a package being put down next to her head nor see the ever-present grin sliding off the mysterious stranger's face upon seeing her tear-stained face.

She didn't feel him bend down towards her, so close that her bangs fluttered with his every breath and didn't hear him when he whispered "Happy Birthday Rangiku," in her ear.

She didn't stir as the he brushed a strand of hair off her face, nor when he leant down to gently press his lips against her cheek. She didn't see him pause in the window, surrounded by the light of the moon, and turn back to take one last look at her sleeping form.

But what she did seem to hear in her dreams, was the soft, sorrowful voice of Ichimaru Gin carried to her by the slight breeze coming through the open window.

"I'm sorry…"

* * *

_**A/N: **Wrote this piece in honor of Matsumoto's birthday. It's the first GinRan fic I've ever written so tell me what you guys think! Oh, and if you like this one, I also wrote a companion piece to this titled "Until I Met You", which is from Gin's POV. Enjoy! Don't forget, reviews are sources of much happiness for me._


End file.
